


I Felt You Go

by LordSexington



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Break Ups Suck, I want you to cry, M/M, Please Tell me I made you sad, sads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 06:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordSexington/pseuds/LordSexington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock returns and Greg finds out Mycroft knew he was alive the entire time. Just a short little one-shot!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Felt You Go

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Sherlock and I never will.
> 
> This was written for a Prompt. 
> 
> Prompt: "I can't even see my heart as it withdraws from me, and I don't care."
> 
> This story has now been edited.

Gregory and I had plans tonight; we had hoped to go to our favorite restaurant. All of these plans were dashed by a brother. Sherlock, he has returned. I know he sat in my front room and watched us walk up the walkway, why did he refuse to hide? He wanted to be discovered by both of us, the bastard.  
I allowed Gregory to walk in first; I wanted to tell him that night, tell him I love him.  
I suppose that after tonight, he won’t care whether I loved him or not.  
It's probably safe to say; after tonight, that he wouldn't care what I had to say on any subject, most of all my supposed love for him. Now he wouldn't bother answering my call to hear.  
We had just opened my door; the door I had hoped would also be Gregory’s door soon.  
There Sherlock sat in my leather chair; he turned and cocked an eyebrow at us.  
"Hello Lestrade," he uttered in the silence that had fallen over the room, the silence that told me Gregory would never share the door behind us with me, would never hear me say those words, and would never say them to me, the silence that spoke of tragic endings and wasted potential.  
Greg's face flushed in a way consistent with the anger and embarrassment I imagine all regular humans would feel in that moment as he turned to me. I didn’t even manage to compose my face into a suitable expression of surprise, in the moment I had been much too angry. I cannot remember a time before that moment that I allowed my emotions to rule me in such a way.  
"What is this," Gregory had ground out, eyes blazing as he had turned his head to glare in my direction.  
"Gregory, I-I can explain," I attempted, searching for my aloof business demeanor; the sentence instead came out more cheating spouse caught in the act than man who had nothing to hide.  
Gregory growled and twisted away from me back to glaring at Sherlock.  
"And you," he snapped, finger rising to point at Sherlock accusingly, "Does John know you're not dead?"  
Sherlock blinked, the sardonic smirk slipping from his face, he had stood from my chair and moved forward to tower over Gregory in an attempt to intimidate. Gregory had placed his hands roughly on Sherlock's chest before he just as roughly shoved him away.  
"He doesn't, does he? You're a right bastard Sherlock Holmes," Greg shouted before turning back on me.  
"And you!” He snarled growing angrier and angrier the longer he went on, “Why don't you say something? Trying to think of a way to lie yourself out of this? Well you can't Mycroft, so don’t try!"  
My mouth fell open unattractively in that moment, this I know because Sherlock kindly informed me on a later date.  
Sherlock moved to the door after this, but turned back to look at me before his departure. I searched his face for his reason, any reason really, that he would choose tonight to reveal himself. Did he simply taking a sick vindictive pleasure in ruining this for me? Was it just a product of our rather intense sibling rivalry? I still do not know the answer to this question and still the possible answers haunt me.  
Sherlock looked back into my eyes, searching for something as well, though what he was looking for I still am not entirely sure, eventually he sighs.  
"No," it's all he offered before he was out the door; he has never been willing to tell me which of the many questions asked in that room that night he was answering, though he insists he did answer something.  
I turned back to Gregory, whose jaw was clenched and whose eyes were still ablaze with fury. His eyes, that night were focused on a point behind me, but they were flat. Which I learned long before that incident was always the look of someone whose mind is inhabiting another plane of thought.  
"Gregory," I whispered quietly, stepping forward carefully, cautious.  
At that moment I was still unaware how that night would end, reaffirmed ties or broken hearts? We were at the crossroads in that moment and all that was left for us was to choose our path.  
I reached for his hand and at first it seemed he was going to let me take it, but soon as skin met skin Gregory returned, no longer lost in his thoughts and he snatched his hand away from my grasp, his eyes narrowed in distrust.  
"You lied to me," he hissed.  
"I'm the government Gregory, I always lie to you," I said in a sad attempt at humor, isn't that what one does at dark times, attempt to lighten the mood?  
Greg snarled at me and I noticed the tears there for the first time that night, surrounding the brim of his eyes, they had threatened to spill over but they were still trapped against his eyelashes. My heart breaks and finally I knew how this night would end, for me at least. I didn’t want Gregory to hurt as well though, not hurt as much as I would when he eventually left; I vowed to make it easier for him.  
"You lied to me," Greg repeated, "you lied to all of us."  
I smiled at him and I can still feel the pain of that false smile to this day, like a mask that doesn't fit quite right.  
"Of course I lied to you, Sherlock needed to finish his game and I had the means to do it, why shouldn't I have? He is my brother and after all, you’re just some detective, that’s all you’ll ever be to me,” I said and right now as I hear those words in my head I wish so much I could take them back, my heart tells me I didn’t have to make it that easy for Gregory to move on from me, but I did and you can’t change the past.  
Gregory fell back from me quickly as if he had been taking in a physical blow, he backed away until his body was pressed against the wall and he was trembling, trembling with the effort of holding in his tears, it took all of my will power to not go to him and it still does, it is a daily battle. I went still, still and quiet under the weight of my sorrow and the effort to not run to him to comfort him, just as father had taught us to do in times of grief.  
"Did you even care?" Gregory asked and of course I knew what he meant, and of course I cared, I care so bloody much, all for him, all for you Gregory, I'd set the world aflame all for you.  
"No," I lied and it almost killed me that night, just as the memory of it almost kills me tonight.  
It was the only thing left to do, lie to him, make it easier for him, make him wish he and I had never met, let him move on, it was the only possible outcome for that night and now I’ll keep lying for the foreseeable future, lying, no I don’t miss him, no I don’t watch the CCTVs as he walks down the street, no I never loved him.  
"You're a monster," he whispered before he pushed away from the wall and walked rigidly toward the door, what I still think of as our door, the door I’ll never share with another, Gregory, my love, goodbye.  
"I know," I replied and I smiled because he trembles with both fury and sorrow, I smiled because I knew, I made it easier for him to hate me, made it easier for him to forget everything he's ever felt for me.  
It's okay that he’s forgotten, I'll always remember, I'll always know that what we had, it was true. I'll keep the truth, keep our secret.  
"Fuck you," Greg said as he opened the door with a rough jerk, he left leaving the door open and I followed to shut it.  
I looked out, wishing to catch the last of him before he left and disappeared from my life forever, but it was dark and I hadn’t turned the outdoor light on. I could not even watch as my heart withdrew from me, I did not get even that small comfort, the time I had thought I had left was abruptly severed, the knife plunged into my heart before I was ready. A car door slammed and I heard it speed away, I felt his absence immediately though I could not see it.  
I couldn't even see my heart as it withdrew from me, and he left believing that I never cared.  
For eternity this will be my greatest lie as well as my greatest sorrow.


End file.
